Isabel Goes Hiking

When Isabel stopped by the office this morning I looked her up and down and asked, jokingly, "What are you dressed up for? Are you going hiking?" To which she replied, "Yes, actually, I am. How did you know?" 


This, by the way, is what she was wearing. Note the shoes!

When is Valentine's Day?

Last week I asked Isabel what she was doing for Willie for Valentine’s Day. Her answer? "When is Valentine's Day?"

Uh oh. That was supposed to be the subject of this week’s blog entry. Realizing I was dealing with a foreigner with no clue about the holiday, I quickly came up with a few alternate questions:

Q. Do you know many other Chilean Americans here in the U.S.? Do they automatically assume you should meet them since, you know, you come from the same place and all?

A. I have a few Chilean American friends. Sometimes Chilean tourists come to the Bay Area with the idea of dropping by my house and simply knocking at the door. Before, I would try to be gracious and offer them a cup of tea, but when I had the stupid idea of writing in The Sum of Our Days that our door is always open, and people started coming as if it was a restaurant, we had to put a stop to the invasion. 

Q. When Americans go to live in, say, Paris, they’re called "expats.” What do you call Chileans who live abroad?

A. Chileans abroad don't have a term to define themselves. We are always Chilean. We are good travelers and reluctant immigrants, and in the seventies and eighties many of us became sad exiles, but our roots are so strong that we never quite adapt in another land; we carry Chile in the bones.
 
Q. Do you hold dual citizenship? If so, was the citizenship test hard to pass? Being a stupid American, I can barely spell citizenship, let alone tell you how many states there are in the U.S....I am not kidding about that, sometimes I think it is 50; other times I say 52. Alaska and Hawaii always confuse me...

A. I have two passports, a foot in Chile and one in the United States. I prepared for the citizenship test in l992, the year my daughter Paula was slowly dying in our home. I would sit next to her bed, holding her hand, and memorize the book I had bought for the test. I had nothing else to distract myself at that time, so I did my homework and passed with honors. Five years before, when I had applied for my green card, they didn't ask me about the USA, they just wanted to know if I was one of those illegal immigrants who get married for the residency. Willie and I were interrogated in separate rooms. They asked him what toothpaste I used and they asked me which one he used. To this day neither of us has any idea which toothpaste is in the bathroom because it changes all the time: whatever is on sale in Costco, that's what we get.

Q. In your mind, who is the hottest/sexiest man in each of the following categories:

Movie star: Antonio Banderas, still, and I have always secretly liked Bruce Willis. These two tough males are loaded with testosterone but they are soft inside, and they have an irresistible self-deprecating humor. They knock me off my knickers. (Is this a proper American expression?)

Politician: Barack Obama. Just look at him!!

Musician: My grandson singing in the shower.

General contractor: I prefer firemen.
 
Writer: William C. Gordon, writer of detective stories.

Humanitarian:  Humanitarians are definitely not sexy. Who wants to be in bed with a guy who saves the tuna?

Philanthropist: It used to be Paul Newman. I will have to check around to see who has replaced him.

Cowboy: Jackie Chan.

Artist: A friend of mine called Ward Schumaker.

Chef: Definitely Willie.

At the end of our Q&A session, Isabel told me to order a tall blonde for Willie for this holiday we call Valentine's. Needless to say I did no such thing. Who would want a tall blonde when you can have an Isabel?

Is That A Wig? or Bim Bam Bum

Isabel sent me a video link. "Perhaps you can use it for the blog, no?" A confusing statement for a stupid American...The link itself is confusing since I have NO idea what these Spanish speakers are saying, sadly; they speak so rapidly. I considered dubbing it in English but haven't got the energy somehow. I have been a little under the weather and am just now well enough to watch (and re-watch) this funny wonder from the past. There are unmistakable gestures she makes here in this little video clip that are so purely Isabel I can hardly stand it, they are so endearing. The host of the show clearly wants to get into her pants...And what is up with Isabel dressed as a Vegas showgirl? What a stunning little thing she is. Watch and tell me what they are saying; Isabel hasn't the time to fill me in. She is too busy—probably going to the spa since she isn't writing...

note: Isabel appears 55 seconds into the video, it is worth the wait!

Click here to watch the video.

The Oscars and Chocolate

I tried to get Isabel to tell me what her Oscar picks are this year but our conversation quickly turned into a heavy, depressing rant (on Isabel’s part) involving women's rights, the global economy, arrogant and selfish men with no concern for human values or human lives, the horrific treatment of women at Ivy League universities, Javier Bardem’s alleged bad temper, and chocolate (see note below). I figure I will spare readers the specifics and mention that Isabel did say she liked the movie The Kids Are Alright, and that she wished to see more of Antonio Banderas. Is he even still alive? 

She also mentioned that she had just finished a fabulous audiobook— Little Bee, by Chris Cleave. It’s the story of a young Nigerian girl who witnesses the most brutal extermination of her whole village by soldiers paid by an oil company, and who and ends up in London as a refugee. “You have to read that book!” she told me as she dashed out the door. Click here to buy it!

Um, yeah, sounds great, Isabel—really uplifting. I’ll be putting it on hold at the library just as soon as I finish writing this…

P.S. The chocolate refers to the kind of man Isabel likes: “Men who are tough on the outside and soft on the inside, like the best See's Candies.”   

Hmm. Come to think of it, we have been through several boxes of See's Candies at the office this year…